Why is it that being single at thirty is considered sacrilege? When you meet people for the first time they tend to lump you into a category that says virtually nothing about who you really are, but colors the way they regard you completely. (I’m not talking about people trying to pick you up--in that case the category lump is good). It’s mostly married people of course, but really everyone does this. Why is what I’d like to know. What does it say about you to be single at such a ripe old age? Or more to the point, what do people think it says about you?
Here in the Bible Belt this type of thinking is pretty prevalent. I say that because friends from other places don’t seem to encounter the single-stereotype as much. Around these parts, if you haven’t been married at least once by your late twenties, you are automatically labeled as ‘unique’ (if they’re being flattering) or ‘downright odd’ (if they’re being honest about what they think.) Now don’t go getting snarky, all you married folk. I’m not saying you always act or speak differently ‘round us unhitched peeps, but come on, be honest. Don’t you tend to think of us in a different way? Just a little bit? You know you do, even if you don’t mean it unkindly.
Even my own family doesn‘t understand why on earth I have no desire to sink numbly into wedded bliss. (Thankfully, this does not apply to my immediate family who is actually happy I haven’t taken the plunge, so they don’t have to deal with whomever I will bring home). They mean well, I think, but the problem is in the way marriage is viewed. I can’t even count the number of girls I’ve known who took the phrase ‘catching a husband’ to heart. They made it a goal to snare some poor sod at all costs and went after that with complete abandon. Dignity abandoned, integrity abandoned, happiness abandoned, etc. It’s as if they were out to prove something to the world. Perhaps the thinking is that if someone is willing to marry you (even if unfairly coerced), then you are worthy somehow. Isn’t it frightening to think that people would risk their happiness, their future children’s happiness, not to mention all the paperwork, just to validate their low self-esteem? I’ve seen couples who fight continuously and never have a moment’s peace around each other. Couples who don’t like each other as people, so much so that I’m sure they won’t last another week, but instead I get the news that the wedding is on. And invariably, the girl is brow-beating the guy daily to get engaged. Wazzup wif dat? Now call me crazy, but if you have to fight with your significant other or trick him into putting a ring on your finger, I don’t think you have the right to question my morals or personal choices. But I suppose that’s just me.
Okay, so I’m being a little too harsh possibly. Not all married couples jumped in just for shits and giggles or were bamboozled right to the altar. In fact, almost all the young married couples I know are in very happy, very healthy relationships. They also happen to be highly intelligent, thoughtful people. In other words, they did the research before buying in. Hey, I even know a few who spun that old wheel-of-chance and got lucky. It does happens...just not very often.
The funny thing is that I have quite a few still-single friends -both men and women - in the late-20s to early-30s range who are ring-free by choice, with the exception of one or two who are ready to settle down, but still shopping around. For the most part, though, my single friends remain that way because they haven’t found someone they thought was worth all the hassle. They tend to think it’s quite important when you promise to commit your lives to another and they want to take the time to get it right. See, here’s the lowdown. These people are all intelligent, attractive, quite special people. They’re not being rebellious or subversive. They aren’t against marriage as an institution- political, religious, or otherwise. They’re not trying to make some kind of statement either. They’re still single because they just are. No more, no less.
So when you meet an aging single person, try to remember a few things. Just because we’re not married with rugrats doesn’t mean we’re weird, or overly promiscuous, or unappealing, or commitment-phobes, or immature, or (my favorite) defying the will of God. We’re not necessarily being anti-establishment, or gay, or lesbian, or suffering from abnormal body odor, and there is nothing wrong with any of us. (Except of course, for the fact that spouse-related questions on EVERY form of EVERY kind in the entire country that we must fill out EVERY day tend to make us angry and cynical.) Hell, for the most part, we’re just taking our time. That’s all.
Besides, have you looked at the divorce rate lately? Who’s looking smart right about now? Who, I say?
